A holiday with myself

So I have had nearly seven days on my own in sunny Spain. It's been if anything a very relaxing break, I've barely said more than 'hola' and 'gracias' twice daily since I've been here. It's been a bit like big brother without the other contestants the tasks and with added Germans.

It's funny when you spend a but of time in your head, the thoughts you don't often give time to seem to rise to the top and the anxiety that keeps you going seems to dissipate. 

However some of my thoughts have been dangerous, for example for the last few days I have been by the hotel pool, reading my book taking the odd dip in the pool- the usual. My eyes have wandered, I've seen a couple every day sat near me all they do, is smoke eat crisps drink canned bear and smoke.. They repeat this every ten minutes. And they do this every day! EVERYDAY. Today I started to visualise their insides. Just for the fun of it.

There were a lot of couples, lots of ladybird tattoos, men in sports shorts and shirts drinking family sized bottles of full fat coke, girls with buggies with babies in, wearing fringed bikinis smoking drinking wine. 

I ended up putting my earphones in. Closing my eyes and shitting them all out! 

Insomnia

2.30am Friday morning. 

I arrived awake somewhat hot and sweaty, possibly due to the fact I had gone to bed wrapped in my fleecy dressing gown from primark, that coupled with my 400 tog duck feathered duvet well it was HOT.

Eyes open, head starts to unwrap all the things in my little head I'd been ignoring, work life love turning it all over again and again, then of course one thinks to oneself "I'll just have a quick look through Facebook and Instagram"

4am

Angered now by my looking at kittens on YouTube I decide to put my phone on airplane mode only to turn it back on immediately and go quickly onto YouTube to see who might be in the electronic charts.

I get up, go to the toilet, make the dangerous move of having coffee, take off strange fleecy dressing gown constructed of man Made fibres, and GO ON YOUTUBE ON THE LAPTOP!

5.20am

Hmm my alarm goes of at 6.15, ooh I feel sleepy.. Eyes begin to flutter closed. Cat decides to gingerly place paw on face and flex claws on my cheek, shocking me out of my relaxed state and making me feel as though a sharp ( albeit small)blade or blades were sticking on my face.

Get up.

Make more coffee.

Consider the world a bad place.

Try to think positive things, realise I have a meeting at 8.30am.

Get dressed.

The glamour factor.

A good friend has just taken his bad self off to NYC to do some 000. glamorous visual styling thing for a classy up beat stylish coffee table style magazine, now he's gone off for a few days on fire island! Fire island... It reeks of bad swim shorts, muscular frames and lots of chunky silver statement jewellery, of course I'm jealous...don't be ridiculous.
Why the jealousy? Well it's not because I wish to be surrounded by half naked men in the sun dancing around to terrible house music, I can have that any weekend I like down vauxhall way.
No I actually think the break away from London is what I'm most seething about, and of course the sheer glamour factor involved in the whole affair.
Alas I shall spend my weekend down the east end of london with my dear mother, excessive trips to iceland and perhaps a trip to the gym, where I will of course count escorts.
I may buy myself a large bottle of wine and drink it all whilst listening to nick drake and reading sylvia plath.
It's not that bad.
Honest

Lazy beard

I have now reached the second week of not having trimmed my bush, that's my beard. Today at work I was told I looked like a psychiatrist, or teacher or a farmer, whilst in some way I was flattered, on the other hand I felt I was edging towards a certain type of look.
Now with a full beard resembling someone from (the fantastic) deliverance, I am toying with the idea of just having a goatee or just a moustache? But with little hair up top I am reluctant to lose anymore.
I think I will continue to grow it, work a Brad Pitt twisty style thing, get some jewls attached to it JEWLS!!
Nope I think I'll continue to be lazy and let it grow.
Oh well first day back at work, no real stress, applied to do some voluntary work, went to the gym, counted escorts. Came home combed my beard, had some chicken.
Now I just need to give up alcohol and hope and pray to meet some porn stars.

Perhaps I shall meet some other farmers, psychiatrists, teachers, although quite where I'll meet them is anyones guess.

A few nights back I met up with one of my oldest and best friends we started drinking in soho and continued doing so to maximum effect, of course we ended the evening eating cheap chinese food and going back to a shady gay bar to have vodka shots.
Needless to say the evening ended with me stopping a pickpocket and shouting the whole of 'I've got a feeling' (by the black eyed peas at a drag queen!!

And I have yet to shave or even trim!
Lazy gay.

a cluttered horizon

So the snow has melted and the uk has now nothing to be obsessed about, no hot topics and no new news.
This also means that the temperature has risen somewhat thus allowing me to wear less layers and look like a relatively normal person and not a Canadian mountain type person.
Today I have enjoyed a day off, cleaning sheets and fluffing pillows, expertly spraying room freshener whilst listening to the soundtrack to glee.
I have also managed to not speak to anyone again all day, I shut myself away in my own world at the gym, and pretended to be deaf whilst in the steam room and one of the 'members' said the obligatory "hot isn't it" then I got myself home had a lovely fruit salad and a nap.

Back to glee for a second, is there something wrong with a thirty five year old man feeling such joy (glee?) At watching the damn programme air! Is there anything wrong with feeling empathy? Being moved by the final two episodes? By wiping hot salty tears from my eyes as I listen to 'don't rain on my parade' and 'you can't always get what you want' oh my, and I felt rather inspired I did at one point find myself singing in my bathroom using the remote control as a microphone ( I was singing along to the song from Avatar by LEONA!)
Deep breaths, anyone would think all of this made me rather content and happy? Right?
Well yes actually.
Of course there are things one seeks out on the rather cluttered horizon, cuddles, morning kisses, someone who'll record an album for me, (AND I AM THE SINGER) the chance to eat what you like without worrying about the problems you'll face in later life, a walk on the beach with someone you love and a mutt, collecting sea shells (without feeling like a mentalist) lazy endless days in bed without fearing the bills! The feeling of fresh cotton when you climb into bed at night, a warm open fire in winter and a glass of red wine, for people to never be taken away from us and for life to be lived without fear and regret, to be able to master the art of NEVER analysing yourself life love and work.
Not too much to ask right?
So now I've exhausted myself, I have little else to do now except try to cross my fingers that some of those above mentioned scenarios do come true. If not I'm giving it five more years buying steroids and working out like a beast and becoming a porn star!
Done.

today i learned

So, I am embracing the beardy beariness that I am, I am hybernating today. I am going to eat myself to sleep. And I have been on a journey with the TV today.
What I learned today:
I learned that Cat Deeley is back on British Tv and is still very fake.
I learned that Carol on QVC loves crystals.
I learned that Jake Dakota has resigned.
I learned that Hollyoaks is still rubbish.
I learned that Cheryl Coles new video is crap.
I learned that Eddie Cibrian is still hot.
I learned that Robbie on so you think can dance should win, but is clearly a vampire.
I learned that Glee starts soon and that makes me a big gay.

Then I had some scrambled eggs.
Then I had a nap.
I learned that I have a day left before I return back to work.
I learned that I really do need a nintendo wii.
I learned that a life without channel 4 is no life at all.
I also learned that the amount of pointless information I can hold in my head is endless.

hot mans

London is covered in snow, the tv is full of news about the snow, the trains are delayed and the streets are a bit icy. Still I am reminded that it is actually january and that the nation is gripped by the weather, so as I peer out of the window at the snow gently falling out of the skies and listen as the boiler gently turns itself off, again.
My boiler broke earlier this week, I contacted my estate agent, who took a day to get back to me, by this time I was wearing more layers than a window at uniqlo, I even had to go and buy a hot water bottle! A HOT WATER BOTTLE!
So on friday they said someone was coming out.
Saturday, still no one.
Saturday 5pm, just settled down to watch some hot mans on tv, Ryan Reynolds in the proposal, or Hugh jackman in wolverine??
The door bell rings, I am greeted by two jehovahs witnesses ( actually the plumber and his wife HIS WIFE) he had a look at the boiler made a few noises. Whilst this was happening I noticed the wife was looking at my rubbish. The whole thing was pointless a waste of time and very awkward, (I always find people entering your home like plumbers electricians etc a bit weird) and I felt violated.
So I am still cold, and still cannot shower!
The plumber and his wife have spoit my afternoon viewing fantasies, so I am at a total loss for what to do.
Porn.
It's the only way.