I have now reached the second week of not having trimmed my bush, that's my beard. Today at work I was told I looked like a psychiatrist, or teacher or a farmer, whilst in some way I was flattered, on the other hand I felt I was edging towards a certain type of look.
Now with a full beard resembling someone from (the fantastic) deliverance, I am toying with the idea of just having a goatee or just a moustache? But with little hair up top I am reluctant to lose anymore.
I think I will continue to grow it, work a Brad Pitt twisty style thing, get some jewls attached to it JEWLS!!
Nope I think I'll continue to be lazy and let it grow.
Oh well first day back at work, no real stress, applied to do some voluntary work, went to the gym, counted escorts. Came home combed my beard, had some chicken.
Now I just need to give up alcohol and hope and pray to meet some porn stars.
Perhaps I shall meet some other farmers, psychiatrists, teachers, although quite where I'll meet them is anyones guess.
A few nights back I met up with one of my oldest and best friends we started drinking in soho and continued doing so to maximum effect, of course we ended the evening eating cheap chinese food and going back to a shady gay bar to have vodka shots.
Needless to say the evening ended with me stopping a pickpocket and shouting the whole of 'I've got a feeling' (by the black eyed peas at a drag queen!!
And I have yet to shave or even trim!
Lazy gay.
Wednesday, 20 January 2010
a cluttered horizon
So the snow has melted and the uk has now nothing to be obsessed about, no hot topics and no new news.
This also means that the temperature has risen somewhat thus allowing me to wear less layers and look like a relatively normal person and not a Canadian mountain type person.
Today I have enjoyed a day off, cleaning sheets and fluffing pillows, expertly spraying room freshener whilst listening to the soundtrack to glee.
I have also managed to not speak to anyone again all day, I shut myself away in my own world at the gym, and pretended to be deaf whilst in the steam room and one of the 'members' said the obligatory "hot isn't it" then I got myself home had a lovely fruit salad and a nap.
Back to glee for a second, is there something wrong with a thirty five year old man feeling such joy (glee?) At watching the damn programme air! Is there anything wrong with feeling empathy? Being moved by the final two episodes? By wiping hot salty tears from my eyes as I listen to 'don't rain on my parade' and 'you can't always get what you want' oh my, and I felt rather inspired I did at one point find myself singing in my bathroom using the remote control as a microphone ( I was singing along to the song from Avatar by LEONA!)
Deep breaths, anyone would think all of this made me rather content and happy? Right?
Well yes actually.
Of course there are things one seeks out on the rather cluttered horizon, cuddles, morning kisses, someone who'll record an album for me, (AND I AM THE SINGER) the chance to eat what you like without worrying about the problems you'll face in later life, a walk on the beach with someone you love and a mutt, collecting sea shells (without feeling like a mentalist) lazy endless days in bed without fearing the bills! The feeling of fresh cotton when you climb into bed at night, a warm open fire in winter and a glass of red wine, for people to never be taken away from us and for life to be lived without fear and regret, to be able to master the art of NEVER analysing yourself life love and work.
Not too much to ask right?
So now I've exhausted myself, I have little else to do now except try to cross my fingers that some of those above mentioned scenarios do come true. If not I'm giving it five more years buying steroids and working out like a beast and becoming a porn star!
Done.
This also means that the temperature has risen somewhat thus allowing me to wear less layers and look like a relatively normal person and not a Canadian mountain type person.
Today I have enjoyed a day off, cleaning sheets and fluffing pillows, expertly spraying room freshener whilst listening to the soundtrack to glee.
I have also managed to not speak to anyone again all day, I shut myself away in my own world at the gym, and pretended to be deaf whilst in the steam room and one of the 'members' said the obligatory "hot isn't it" then I got myself home had a lovely fruit salad and a nap.
Back to glee for a second, is there something wrong with a thirty five year old man feeling such joy (glee?) At watching the damn programme air! Is there anything wrong with feeling empathy? Being moved by the final two episodes? By wiping hot salty tears from my eyes as I listen to 'don't rain on my parade' and 'you can't always get what you want' oh my, and I felt rather inspired I did at one point find myself singing in my bathroom using the remote control as a microphone ( I was singing along to the song from Avatar by LEONA!)
Deep breaths, anyone would think all of this made me rather content and happy? Right?
Well yes actually.
Of course there are things one seeks out on the rather cluttered horizon, cuddles, morning kisses, someone who'll record an album for me, (AND I AM THE SINGER) the chance to eat what you like without worrying about the problems you'll face in later life, a walk on the beach with someone you love and a mutt, collecting sea shells (without feeling like a mentalist) lazy endless days in bed without fearing the bills! The feeling of fresh cotton when you climb into bed at night, a warm open fire in winter and a glass of red wine, for people to never be taken away from us and for life to be lived without fear and regret, to be able to master the art of NEVER analysing yourself life love and work.
Not too much to ask right?
So now I've exhausted myself, I have little else to do now except try to cross my fingers that some of those above mentioned scenarios do come true. If not I'm giving it five more years buying steroids and working out like a beast and becoming a porn star!
Done.
Saturday, 9 January 2010
today i learned
So, I am embracing the beardy beariness that I am, I am hybernating today. I am going to eat myself to sleep. And I have been on a journey with the TV today.
What I learned today:
I learned that Cat Deeley is back on British Tv and is still very fake.
I learned that Carol on QVC loves crystals.
I learned that Jake Dakota has resigned.
I learned that Hollyoaks is still rubbish.
I learned that Cheryl Coles new video is crap.
I learned that Eddie Cibrian is still hot.
I learned that Robbie on so you think can dance should win, but is clearly a vampire.
I learned that Glee starts soon and that makes me a big gay.
Then I had some scrambled eggs.
Then I had a nap.
I learned that I have a day left before I return back to work.
I learned that I really do need a nintendo wii.
I learned that a life without channel 4 is no life at all.
I also learned that the amount of pointless information I can hold in my head is endless.
What I learned today:
I learned that Cat Deeley is back on British Tv and is still very fake.
I learned that Carol on QVC loves crystals.
I learned that Jake Dakota has resigned.
I learned that Hollyoaks is still rubbish.
I learned that Cheryl Coles new video is crap.
I learned that Eddie Cibrian is still hot.
I learned that Robbie on so you think can dance should win, but is clearly a vampire.
I learned that Glee starts soon and that makes me a big gay.
Then I had some scrambled eggs.
Then I had a nap.
I learned that I have a day left before I return back to work.
I learned that I really do need a nintendo wii.
I learned that a life without channel 4 is no life at all.
I also learned that the amount of pointless information I can hold in my head is endless.
hot mans
London is covered in snow, the tv is full of news about the snow, the trains are delayed and the streets are a bit icy. Still I am reminded that it is actually january and that the nation is gripped by the weather, so as I peer out of the window at the snow gently falling out of the skies and listen as the boiler gently turns itself off, again.
My boiler broke earlier this week, I contacted my estate agent, who took a day to get back to me, by this time I was wearing more layers than a window at uniqlo, I even had to go and buy a hot water bottle! A HOT WATER BOTTLE!
So on friday they said someone was coming out.
Saturday, still no one.
Saturday 5pm, just settled down to watch some hot mans on tv, Ryan Reynolds in the proposal, or Hugh jackman in wolverine??
The door bell rings, I am greeted by two jehovahs witnesses ( actually the plumber and his wife HIS WIFE) he had a look at the boiler made a few noises. Whilst this was happening I noticed the wife was looking at my rubbish. The whole thing was pointless a waste of time and very awkward, (I always find people entering your home like plumbers electricians etc a bit weird) and I felt violated.
So I am still cold, and still cannot shower!
The plumber and his wife have spoit my afternoon viewing fantasies, so I am at a total loss for what to do.
Porn.
It's the only way.
My boiler broke earlier this week, I contacted my estate agent, who took a day to get back to me, by this time I was wearing more layers than a window at uniqlo, I even had to go and buy a hot water bottle! A HOT WATER BOTTLE!
So on friday they said someone was coming out.
Saturday, still no one.
Saturday 5pm, just settled down to watch some hot mans on tv, Ryan Reynolds in the proposal, or Hugh jackman in wolverine??
The door bell rings, I am greeted by two jehovahs witnesses ( actually the plumber and his wife HIS WIFE) he had a look at the boiler made a few noises. Whilst this was happening I noticed the wife was looking at my rubbish. The whole thing was pointless a waste of time and very awkward, (I always find people entering your home like plumbers electricians etc a bit weird) and I felt violated.
So I am still cold, and still cannot shower!
The plumber and his wife have spoit my afternoon viewing fantasies, so I am at a total loss for what to do.
Porn.
It's the only way.
Sunday, 2 November 2008
fluff
Am i bothered? can i really be that bothered, clearly not, not in a Catherine Tate kind of way just in a really should change these socks kind of way.
When did it all start, and how quickly it spirals, first you leave the cap off the toothpaste and then before you know it you come home and have to wade through piles of magazines and newspapers before you can get to the kitchen.
I'm not usually messy.
Normally I'm totally retentive about cleanliness and being tidy, Sometimes you just get consumed by things and then you start to share your bed with fluff and crumbs and strange grey things. Its so hard to do the washing up though, i hate doing them, and honestly why iron a shirt when you can just pop a v neck over the top? I'm really just saving time.
I think I've caught myself before someone turned up from the council to enquire about the smell, which is good i do like to be ahead of myself, i thought i needed to have a clean, wipe the cob webs down and have a fresh outlook again, although once i started it became sort of OK, but goodness it's hard to do it on your own, there is no one to have a go at and no one to do it better than (yes cleaning is also a competition too)
Hopefully it shall be maintained, i should just get a cleaner or at least paper plates?
I just get so distracted, often by silly things, the sounds outside my window, the ticking of a clock, the many many thoughts that circle around and pile up in my head, Leona Lewis, and facebook, before i know it it's time to go to bed and push the strange grey thing out of the way and close my eyes.
So i shall be bothered, i shall be released, i shall go to the ball, so there.
When did it all start, and how quickly it spirals, first you leave the cap off the toothpaste and then before you know it you come home and have to wade through piles of magazines and newspapers before you can get to the kitchen.
I'm not usually messy.
Normally I'm totally retentive about cleanliness and being tidy, Sometimes you just get consumed by things and then you start to share your bed with fluff and crumbs and strange grey things. Its so hard to do the washing up though, i hate doing them, and honestly why iron a shirt when you can just pop a v neck over the top? I'm really just saving time.
I think I've caught myself before someone turned up from the council to enquire about the smell, which is good i do like to be ahead of myself, i thought i needed to have a clean, wipe the cob webs down and have a fresh outlook again, although once i started it became sort of OK, but goodness it's hard to do it on your own, there is no one to have a go at and no one to do it better than (yes cleaning is also a competition too)
Hopefully it shall be maintained, i should just get a cleaner or at least paper plates?
I just get so distracted, often by silly things, the sounds outside my window, the ticking of a clock, the many many thoughts that circle around and pile up in my head, Leona Lewis, and facebook, before i know it it's time to go to bed and push the strange grey thing out of the way and close my eyes.
So i shall be bothered, i shall be released, i shall go to the ball, so there.
Wednesday, 29 October 2008
There is a hole in my shoe
October brings many things, the thought of winters fast approach and the smell of wet leaves on the floor, October has also brought the feeling of change in the air...smell it? Yesterday October also brought snow! which worried me somewhat as i had a huge hole in my shoe and as my temperament is to see things in a deep and slightly analytical way i thought it was a great metaphor for my life. Yes I had a cold wet foot and a bag of broccoli in my bag ( i have a terrible cold and thought consuming green veg would really help) needless to say i was feeling terribly sorry for myself and slightly out of sorts.
October, just before November and after September, in between the two neither here nor there, but clearly more there than here? and after my year all i really wanted was a hot beach some waves lapping at my feet some cold beer and perhaps some nice people around me, sadly fate has other things in store for this mister, a wet foot a blizzard and green vegetables.
Well thankfully October is nearly over and I have thrown my shoes away, November will soon be upon us (literally) and we'll all be moaning again about the weather, we'll also be moaning about the credit crunch and the fact Christmas always comes early, we'll be moaning about how expensive the clubs and pubs are for new year and we'll be angry that no one invited some of us out for new year house parties, we'll be upset that we'll put on weight and we'll be totally angry about who wins the x factor.
But none of you will have ever walked home in the snow with a hole in your shoe in October, and if you have you'll know that it's just a hole, and it's just snow, and you get over having pain and a cold and not having enough love in your life, these are tiny small things which we make big, they become hard to control and before you know it you are mixing the spirits and dancing like a mentalist to Celine.
Today the sun is shining and the weather is a bitter cold, the kind of cold that takes the breath right out of you and makes you want to sit in and drink strong coffee whilst listening to the neighbour play jazz music upstairs, the kind of day for contemplation, for remembering and for posting cryptic metaphor ridden blogs, the sort of day we all need sometimes, but not all the time...sometimes.
I may ask myself today if i really need another pair of shoes? or perhaps i shall spend the harsh winter wearing converse and dressing inappropriately, perhaps.
Personally i want some new socks and a hot water bottle and puppy and some good news, but as i wrote earlier fate may well have other things in store for this mister, hopefully less holes and snow.
October, just before November and after September, in between the two neither here nor there, but clearly more there than here? and after my year all i really wanted was a hot beach some waves lapping at my feet some cold beer and perhaps some nice people around me, sadly fate has other things in store for this mister, a wet foot a blizzard and green vegetables.
Well thankfully October is nearly over and I have thrown my shoes away, November will soon be upon us (literally) and we'll all be moaning again about the weather, we'll also be moaning about the credit crunch and the fact Christmas always comes early, we'll be moaning about how expensive the clubs and pubs are for new year and we'll be angry that no one invited some of us out for new year house parties, we'll be upset that we'll put on weight and we'll be totally angry about who wins the x factor.
But none of you will have ever walked home in the snow with a hole in your shoe in October, and if you have you'll know that it's just a hole, and it's just snow, and you get over having pain and a cold and not having enough love in your life, these are tiny small things which we make big, they become hard to control and before you know it you are mixing the spirits and dancing like a mentalist to Celine.
Today the sun is shining and the weather is a bitter cold, the kind of cold that takes the breath right out of you and makes you want to sit in and drink strong coffee whilst listening to the neighbour play jazz music upstairs, the kind of day for contemplation, for remembering and for posting cryptic metaphor ridden blogs, the sort of day we all need sometimes, but not all the time...sometimes.
I may ask myself today if i really need another pair of shoes? or perhaps i shall spend the harsh winter wearing converse and dressing inappropriately, perhaps.
Personally i want some new socks and a hot water bottle and puppy and some good news, but as i wrote earlier fate may well have other things in store for this mister, hopefully less holes and snow.
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